random travel destinations - Germany

It is with no little regret that I present to you the last of my RANDOM TRAVEL DESTINATIONS. I just can't sustain it. Too many countries and too much info (and so little time!). I don't like doing things I can't sustain. You probably noticed that I let my football-related posts fall off. I couldn't keep pace with the games and couldn't bear to blog about San Diego's umpteenth humiliating defeat in the conference championships. Screw it, I say. I'm not going to cover any more seasons. Leave it to the sports writers.

But back to why I'm giving up on RTD: I'm going to run out of countries pretty soon. There's only 192 or so (well, 193 now that South Sudan's referendum went through). I'm sure all of you have heard enough about Bahrain and Libya and whatnot anyway. And some countries just don't have anything going for them, either. I mean, what's there to see in Qatar? Doha? Yeah, that's pretty much it. Might go just to say I've been there. Everybody I've talked to that's been there says it's a hole in the wall. Small potatoes. Nothing to write home about.

I think what I'll do instead is start up a new column, called BACK CORNERS OF THE WORLD, where I'll illuminate some hidden-away paradise I've discovered in my travels. Like the best arcade in South Korea. The darkest pub in Edinburgh. The tastiest street fare in Central Asia, and so on. And better yet, I'll have actually been to these places instead of blathering copy at you like a travel agent.

So, here's the last RANDOM TRAVEL DESTINATION. I chose Germany because that's where Miss H and I are going to try and wind up when we leave. We're going to teach abroad together. Seeing as how I've already done Asia, and Miss H would like to see Europe, and Germany seems to pay the most of all the European countries...Deutschland sealed the deal.

About the country itself:

Well, jeez, what can I say? You know most of it already. The Protestant Reformation, and Kaiser Wilhelm, and the Weimar Republic, and the Third Reich, and the fall of the Wall, and the rest of it. In fact, ever since the Cold War ended, Germany has just gone right out of the American line of sight, hasn't it? The Average Joe couldn't tell you who the president of Germany is, or the chancellor, either, or whether the president or the chancellor is in charge. (I think there's an Angela Merkel in there somewhere, but I could be wrong.)

So let's just start from the beginning and I'll give you some stuff you may not know.

Back in the wild days (before soap), 750 B.C.E. or so, the Germanic people rose in northern Germany and southern Scandinavia, and headed south with the sun to colonize the rest of their future country. Not much is known about them, except when they got there—because as soon as they did, they bumped into the Romans. It's estimated that the words "Germany" and "German" stem from the Roman word for "men from the forest" or perhaps "men with spears." The Germans and Romans did indeed have martial contact, for the Romans invaded Germania (a region which, by their estimation, stretched from the Rhine River to the Ural Mountains) under the reign of Augustus. They were trounced, too. A fellow named Arminius, who had big ideas about uniting the Germanic tribes under one banner, defeated the Roman armies in the Battle of Teutoburg Forest. Arminius was eventually assassinated by rival Germanic leaders, but his military victories against the Romans had done their work; Germania remained outside the Roman Empire. In a few centuries, the Germans had occupied most of Germany, including the shores of the Rhine and Danube, as well as Austria. A great number of disparate Germanic tribes sprang up, among them the Franks, Frisians, and Saxons. You might know the Saxons. Their descendants are generally accepted to be modern-day Germans, Dutch, and English. And since the early United States was composed mostly of English and Germans, well...the Saxons might very well be considered our progenitors. (Certainly there are quite a few English words that have Germanic roots, and that's gotta count for something.)

Anyway, things rattled along in Germany for another thousand years. The Great Migration saw the expansion of the Germanic tribes to the west and southwest, and the assimilation of all the smaller tribes into major ones. One of these, the aforementioned Franks, grew so powerful that it established its own empire. They survived the Romans and became a factor for the spread of Christianity across Western Europe, too. They conquered most of Gaul, which would become France. ("France," in fact, derives from the Latin for "country of the Franks." See, this just proves that the Germans had designs on France from waaaaaaaaay back.)

And the rest of it you've learned in history class. Holy Roman Empire, blabbity blabbity blah...Great Famine, Black Death, yadda yadda yadda...Martin Luther, Protestant Reformation, Thirty Years' War, yakety yak yak...

Nowadays, though its liberation from Communist clutches and subsequent reunification went down barely 20 years ago, Germany has established itself as an economic powerhouse and an influential force in European and world politics. The world's third-largest population of foreign-born migrants resides in Germany. They were the world's leading exporter of goods (of any kind) from 2003 and 2008. Cars are their cup of tea. Three of Germany's top 10 most profitable corporations are car manufacturers, Volkswagen, Daimler, and BMW respectively. Not many people know this, but the major name brands Adidas, DHL, Nivea, and T-Mobile are also German in origin. The national airline, Lufthansa, is one of the most remunerative in the world, taking in 22.3 billion euros annually (31 billion U.S. dollars at the time of this writing).

And, as with any successful economic power, there's a substantial demand for English teachers in Germany. It was the same in South Korea, it's the same in Japan, it's the same in the United Arab Emirates and Oman and Saudi Arabia, and it's the same in Germany. There are international academies and private institutions who are in need of native-born English speakers to tutor their young 'uns (and even their professional adults).

I say that with no little pride. I'd say we have Britain to thank for the fact that English is now the global language, the trade language, the pan-geographical lingua franca, as it were.

And hey, it gives me an automatic in. I ain't complaining.

Apart from all this, I know virtually nothing about the country. I'm intensely excited to learn its language (I'm 75% German myself on both my father and mother's side); lots of hard consonant sounds I'll have to learn. Cake is something else that Germany's famous for. Kaffee und Kuchen is a serious affair in Deutschland, similar to siesta in Spain or teatime in England. Everybody gets together at home or in town and has a cup of coffee and a slice of cake. Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte (literally "Black Forest Cherry Cake") is perhaps one of the most famous of German confections. I mean, come on, look at it:

If decadence were a crime, we'd have to call Germany on a Cake Holocaust. Doesn't that look like a little slice of heaven? Wikipedia says this orgasmic monstrosity "consists of several layers of chocolate cake, with whipped cream and cherries between each layer...decorated with additional whipped cream, maraschino cherries, and chocolate shavings."

Damn.

Certain bits of Germany itself are enough to make you drool, too. Take a look at Lake Hintersee, in Bavaria. Pretty country, ain't it?

Just a few reasons I'd like to go: cake, high country, old European architecture, rich history, a language I could get used to hearing every day (and not think I was in a war movie)...and, oh yes, a little thing I like to call

BEER!

Speaking of being in third place, Germany is subordinate only to Ireland and the Czech Republic in its per capita consumption of beer. According to this list, the average German knocks back 110 litres of amber fluid per year. (The U.S. drags in thirteenth place with a measly 81.6 litres.) That's well ahead of such renowned beer-drinking countries as the United Kingdom, Australia, and Poland. I'm astounded (and not a little excited) by this news. I've been to the United Kingdom and Ireland and thought they were boozy countries. I can't wait to get to Germany and try it out for size.

Wish us luck, people. RANDOM TRAVEL DESTINATIONS, signing off.