cocktail review no. 39 - Mardee Mine

I don't know enough about the cocktail world, as each new drink I try readily informs me. Some combinations, like Southern Comfort and bitters, I've learned to steer clear of through painful experience. Tonight I added a new entry to my "avoid like the plague" list.

• 1½ ounces dark rum
• ½ ounce sweet vermouth
• 1 lemon twist

In a mixing glass half-filled with ice cubes, combine the dark rum and the sweet vermouth. Stir well and strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with the lemon twist.

I really thought rum and sweet vermouth would mix better. But no. This drink was too sweet, with the vermouth's bitter undertones providing the ultimate ruination. The overall experience, including bouquet, body and aftertaste, was horrid: sickly sweet and obstructively tart. The lemon didn't even help; it just sort of sat there in the glass, flaccid, like the corpse of a dead sea creature. I sipped on this onerous cocktail as daintily as I could stand, then bolted it at a gulp. It was revolting. It was as if I'd taken a spoonful of old, stale molasses that somebody'd sprayed Lemon Pledge on. Another day, another dollar. If I had to count up all the stinkers I've mixed and poured into myself over the years, I'd need a new set of fingers. It's learning money, like my Canadian friend says. I now never to order this one in a bar. But as always, I invite you to try for yourself. Just don't say you weren't warned.