cocktail review no. 61 - The Green-Tailed Dragon of the Maroon Morning

This picture is highly satirical.

Sounds like a head trip, don't it? And it would be, if you mistakenly confused it with this drink.

But you know me. I get (most) of my classic drinks from one source, and one source only: The Bartender's Bible, by Gary Regan. One thousand and one recipes to suit your every need. This one is another lovely tropical cocktail.

The only thing unusual about it is the name. Okay, yeah, and a few of the ingredients.

• 1½ ounces light rum
• ½ melon liqueur
• 1 ounce pineapple juice
• ½ lime juice
• 1 teaspoon orgeat syrup
• 1 cup crushed ice
• 1 teaspoon cherry brandy

In a blender, combine the rum, melon liqueur, pineapple juice, lime juice and orgeat syrup with the crushed ice. Blend well and pour into an old-fashioned glass. Drop the cherry brandy into the center.

The Sleeping Dragon, they might as well have named it. Not merely for its habit of lunging out of the crystal cave and biting you on the ass, but for its surprisingly delicate flavor as well.

Let me delineate here and now that, (a) I was slightly drunk when I originally mixed this libation, so my discourse on its charms may not be lucid; and (b) due to (a), I forgot to drop the cherry brandy into the drink. I just blended it all together.

Not much was lost. Light rum is sweet and faintly redolent of spice, but possesses none of the fire and flavor of darker rums. Therefore its role in mixed drinks becomes something like vodka: a "negative" or binding agent which maintains a characteristic undertone while allowing other flavors to be stacked on top of it, like Lego bricks. Rum possess an inherent sweetness which greatly enhances any tropical drink (and a great many non-tropical highballs besides). This sweetness is the basis for the Green-Tailed Dragon, which is then accentuated by the lime juice (providing a sour citrus sting); the pineapple juice (its pleasant flavor punctuating the rummy backdrop); the melon liqueur (a gustatory counterpoint which steals the show—the flavor both outshines the rum while simultaneously standing on its shoulders, lending the Dragon a pleasant fruity bouquet and a smooth finish); and the orgeat syrup (which, if you'll recall, is an infusion of citrus flavors, almonds and rose water, combining to form an extremely sweet medley). The cherry brandy is the finisher: though present in small doses, it retains its potency, rendering the drink a luxuriant dark red color and providing a deep fruity overtone to the finish.

Trust me when I say this is nothing like any tropical drink you've sampled before.

Then again, you don't have to take my word for it.

Just forgive the bartender for the funny look he gives you when you belly up to the bar and request "The Green-Tailed Dragon of the Maroon Morning."

the triple whammy

I'm over being sick, if you'd care to know.

Ten days of antibiotics have finally put me to rights.

I'm back at work (both the flying and the godawful café) and am rotten glad of it. Except for the dish-washing part.

But, as you may have noticed, I still haven't been writing.

Why?

Well, I've been focusing on...other stuff.

No, really.

My other writing, for one thing. You know, science fiction? Short stories? That rot? I haven't touched the finished novel yet (you're shocked, I know).

But I've been beating hell out of my short fiction.

I was originally going to scrub the slapdash ending I'd given to "Low Places" and work on another one, but I think I'll let it stand. If it gets rejected by F&SF...then, maybe, I'll do something about it. But I think it's worth sending it in and seeing what the editor thinks.

Hmmm, what was I going to say next? I don't quite remember. I'm celebrating my return to booze, you see. I went without alcohol for two weeks while I was sick, and a further 10 days while I was on antibiotics. Liquor has a way of interfering with the bacteria-killing bad-assitude of amoxicillin, or so I've read. I'm working on a vodka-and-soda, a golden apple, a rum gimlet, and some sacrilegious hodgepodge of blackberry brandy, cherry brandy, blueberry vodka and Midori. My coherency ain't what it should be right now. Bear with me.

I'm also working on a new story, which has already surpassed 14,200 words and, unlike the seven stories preceding it, actually has a plot. "Aptitude" is a soft sci-fi story about a space cadet in over his head on his first posting. I've had immense fun writing it. I get to play in my newborn world with the wildest abandon. Case in point, my premise is that humanity ships its lower-class passengers and bulk-rate cargo to the solar boundaries using humongous, run-down starships, replete with massive internal combustion engines which drive electric motors which, in turn, route power to the thrust-propulsion engines. I've also gotten the chance to speculate on the future of firearms. Apart from such flights of fancy as the Beretta 2513 (or whatever fanciful model year I chose to give it) I've thrown in such doozies as antediluvian 20th-century elephant guns.

Have I mentioned how much I love being a writer?

Them's the writing updates. I'll have to tell you sometime about how I'm doing with Moby-Dick. That's a story in itself (Herman Melville thought whales were fishes, apparently). I finished A Clockwork Orange, and I'll have to mention something about it, too. It's a worthwhile read.

On the aviation front...I have now officially flown into (and out of) an international airport. Ontario International (KONT), Ontario, California. I've flown out of there plenty of times on Southwest jets, but never manually piloted an airplane in there. It's quite the story. Just finding the airport amongst all the SoCal smog was a trick in itself. And I had to make sure not to stray into the path of the Boeing 737 taking off on Runway 26R next to us. Couldn't dawdle about on the taxiways, either.

I'll tell you about it sometime.

I just wanted to let you know that further scribblings might be delayed or postponed during the month of February. It's a big month. The 14th is, as you know, Valentine's Day. That's going to be a big day for Miss H and I. Her birthday also happens to be the 13th. (I know, right? What a coincidence. Makes me feel like a heel. I get away with a girlfriend whose birthday is absurdly easy to remember.) And the 17th is our six-month anniversary. Well, no. "Anniversary" isn't the right word. "Monthiversary" is more like it. (Anybody know the Latin word for "month"? I'll pay you 30 bucks if you can come up with it before February 17.)

But you get the idea. That's a triple whammy. Birthdays, holidays, and monthiversaries. We've cooked up a special celebration day (the 20th, thus far) to avoid the crowds on Valentine's Day weekend, but I'm still planning on doing something special for the actual days-of. Haven't quite figured out what, yet (especially since she'll be starting classes at Riverside Community College on Valentine's Day) but I'll think of something. Wish me luck.

At any rate, the celebrations, salutations, libations, affectations and defibrillations will probably occupy much of my blogging-time for the duration of February's midsection. I'll still find time to write, obviously; it's just that I may let the blog slack off again. If I do, please indulge me. I'll be showering affection on my most marvelous girlfriend, who deserves all the happiness and joy in this world (or any other), not some poor hapless fool like me. I need to show her how much I appreciate her. No offense, but you, my faithful minions, will likely get bumped down to second fiddle during that time. I knew you'd understand.

Okay, so that's where we stand. I hope you have a superb St. Valentine's Day, devoid of massacres, and if you happen to live someplace where the weather is nasty this time of year, I wish you sunny skies and warmer temps posthaste.

That is all. Breckinridge.

cocktail review no. 34 - Cherry Chocolate Swirl

TA-DA!

This one's another of my very own inventions. I make no claims as to its originality. The odds are that there's a drink out there exactly like it, which someone else invented, and called by a different name. Who cares? This is my version. And it was a hit, let me tell you. There was this cute little blond at my cocktail party the other Friday who absolutely loved it...

• 1 ounce cherry brandy
• 1 ounce Bailey's
• ½ ounce crème de cacao

In a shaker half-filled with ice cubes, combine the cherry brandy and Bailey's. Shake well. Strain into a cocktail glass. Pour the crème de cacao into the center of the drink and swirl the glass around a little before serving.

I didn't get a chance to taste it myself. (I couldn't drink that night, not even a drop; I had work in the morning. That's also the reason I haven't yet had a nip of the fancy absinthe John and I bought. I might cry.) However, the drink received rave reviews—particularly from that blond.

What's not to like? It's cherry brandy, Irish cream and chocolate liqueur, the best combination of cherry, chocolate and coffee-cream overtones. It'd be like a cherry Fudgsicle, only in liquid form. And with booze. Give it a shot, ladies. It's worth your while.

cocktail review no. 27 - Candle in the Window

Humdinger. That's the first word that came to mind when I began composing this entry in my head, like I usually do. I've picked a humdinger this time, folks. If you like coffee and booze, you're in for a real treat. Caffeine and alcohol in the same drink...the most natural thing in the world, I reckon. Why limit yourself to only one high?

• 2 ounces light rum
• 2 ounces bourbon
• 1 teaspoon crème de cacao
• 1 teaspoon cherry brandy
• 4 ounces hot coffee
• 2 ounces heavy cream

Pour the rum, bourbon, crème de cacao, cherry brandy, and coffee into an Irish coffee glass. Pour the cream carefully over the back of a spoon so that it floats on top of the drink. (Just as a side note, I now know exactly how to pour stuff over the back of a spoon and make it float on top of a drink. Dan taught us how to do it in bartender's school when he showed us how to make a B-52.) I have to say, this drink reminds of the Tom and Jerry, only without the spices and the smoothness afforded by whisked egg whites. Instead, there's the naked heat (ooh, sultry) and the tacit backing of the coffee. All this is overlaid by the surprisingly harmonious union of rum and bourbon, with just a hint of chocolate and cherry. (I couldn't hardly detect the latter two flavors, but I'm not exactly a cocktail connoisseur.) This thing will warm you up, regardless of what you think of the taste. Hot coffee and four ounces of hard liquor (plus two teaspoons of liqueur) will do that to you. Be warned, this thing packs a wallop. In short, I might consider having this drink again. I'm not the biggest fan of coffee, so I'm not the biggest fan of this drink (there's some litotes for you; I actually hate coffee). The CITW doesn't quite come up to the Tom and Jerry or even the mudslide (a cold drink) but it's good in its own right.

cocktail review no. 4 - Gorky Park

Turns out that this cocktail is actually named for a real place: a theme park in Moscow. There was some kind of hair band with that name too, but I don't give a darn.

The recipe first, and then the rigmarole.

• 1½ ounces vodka
• ½ ounce cherry brandy
• 1 ounce lemon juice
• 1 maraschino cherry

In a shaker half-filled with ice cubes, combine the vodka, cherry brandy and lemon juice. Shake well, strain into a cocktail glass, and garnish with the cherry.

Two words: woman's drink. I might've mentioned before that some of the drinks I've made (particularly ones involving vodka, which is essentially tasteless in my book, and fruit juices, which then naturally overwhelm said tasteless vodka) usually wind up tasting like fruit juice. This drink, in fact, is highly analogous to pink lemonade. It makes for mighty smooth sipping, sure, and the taste ain't bad at all. But I couldn't shake the feeling that my manhood and alcoholic discretion were being drained insidiously away as I imbibed it. Maybe that was just stupid artificial socially-constructed societal pressure talking...

cocktail review no. 1 - Gates of Hell

This is one of those cocktails whose name you espy and you just have to try. "Gates of Hell" fits right in with "Kamikaze," "Barrier Breaker" and "Swirling to the Beat of the Haggis Wings." At any rate I thought it would be a suitable cocktail to follow a bit of quick-fire spaghetti on a Monday night.

Here's the recipe:

• 1½ ounces tequila
• 2 teaspoons lemon juice
• 2 teaspoons lime juice
• 1 teaspoon cherry brandy
• crushed ice

In a shaker half-filled with ice cubes, combine the tequila, lemon juice, and lime juice. Shake well, then strain into an old-fashioned glass almost filled with crushed ice. Drizzle the cherry brandy over the top.

Don't ask me where I got cherry brandy. It's a long, painful story. The point is, I am bitterly disappointed in this drink. (I'm sipping it as I write this, as I will be for every drink I review on this blog.) Literally bitterly disappointed. I can only detect the tequila with my nose, the cherry brandy's purpose is unclear and the rest of the drink's sour as hell. It's possible that this is due to operator error, but I've been mixing my own drinks for over a year now and would like to think that I could avoid making such a gross error as to render any drink unpalatable that wasn't so to begin with. Saeongjima, as the Koreans say. I've still got 1,000 drinks left in my copy of The Bartender's Bible.