Kelly's Heroes

Most war movies fit into into one of three molds:

Mold #1: Bunch of guys. Guys claim to hate each other. Guys are really buddies. Guys go to war. Guys have to take some hill or something. Most guys die. Remaining guys feel guilty. We Were Soldiers (2002), Hamburger Hill (1987), The Green Berets (1968), Saving Private Ryan (1998), and Gallipoli (1981) fit this mold.

Mold #2: Bunch of guys. Guys are behind enemy lines/inside a prison camp/up against overwhelming odds. Guys have to escape. Guys come up with interesting harebrained scheme to escape. Harebrained scheme works. Some guys die. Remaining guys get away with mixed feelings. Force 10 from Navarone (1978), Von Ryan's Express (1965), The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957), and Hell is for Heroes (1962) fall under this category.

Mold #3: Bunch of guys here, bunch of guys there, bunch of guys somewhere else. Bunch of guys here take a hill. Bunch of guys there conquer a town. Bunch of guys somewhere else destroy a vital enemy thing. Overarching picture of heroic war effort is painted. The Longest Day(1962), The Battle of the Bulge (1965) and other war epics belong here. Patton (1971) might also fit in this category, except that in his case, it's just one man going all over heck and back, machine-gunning this, exploding that, kicking the hell out of the other. 

Noticing a pattern here? There's this bunch of guys. And they have to get something, or go somewhere, or blow something up, or all three. But the theme is doing. Setting aside pessimistic flicks like Apocalypse Now (1979), war movies generally concern the selfless bravery of ordinary men in pursuit of a lofty sociopolitical cause. Serving one's country. Protecting the defenseless. Accomplishing a mission. Learning to cooperate. Establishing peace and justice. Patriotic sacrifice, high moral feeling, the do-or-die kind of mentality. Even movies about P.O.W.s, such as the excellent Stalag 17 (1953), or nihilistic WWII movies that are really about the Vietnam War, like The Dirty Dozen (1967), conform to the same school of thought. (The Dirty Dozen, by the way, is totally effing brilliant. You'll feel as though you could chew on solid rocks or split rails with your nose after watching it. That's how masculine it is.) It's all about defeating the enemy, forwarding the good and righteous, courage under fire, upholding a nation's pride, or just fighting for the man next to you. You never saw a war movie where the protagonists were in it purely for themselves, did you? (Okay, okay, I know...The Dirty Dozen.)

There's also Kelly's Heroes (1970), starring Clint Eastwood, Telly Savalas, Donald Sutherland, and Don Rickles. France, 1944. The Normandy invasion is several months old, and Allied forces have pushed deep into Fortress Europe. One battered unit, an element of the American 35th Infantry Regiment, has been pushed particularly hard. They've been at the front lines for months. Not only have they had to deal with the fiercest soldiers in the Wehrmacht, but they must also routinely dodge incoming fire from an inept American artillery commander. Every time these guys get close to a town, with booze and soft beds and warm baths and "passionate women," the 3rd Army comes in and takes over, and the 35th goes back out into the rain and mud again, up to the front lines. Needless to say, these guys are sick and tired of the business. 

The movie opens on an especially dismal night. The rain is bucketing down. The thunder mingles with bursting shells. Kelly (Eastwood) is sitting in a Jeep with a captured German officer...right in the middle of a horde of mobilizing German troops. A traffic cop spots him and Eastwood calmly drives away, out of the town, back across friendly lines, and up to a large barn near a canal. Inside, the platoon's commanding sergeant, Big Joe (Savalas), looking harassed as usual, is yelling at that aforementioned artillery commander to lift his barrage: the mortars are not coming down on the Germans, but rather the barn. Kelly goes about interrogating the German officer, who speaks good English. Inside the Hun's briefcase are papers, documents, and some rather suspicious-looking lead bars. The German officer is noticeably nervous. Kelly takes a closer look at one of the bars. He soon discovers that the lead is merely painted on. And there's solid gold underneath. 

Kelly doesn't waste an instant. He grabs the bottle of "liberated" brandy, sits the colonel down in a corner, and proceeds to interrogate him. Sure enough, the Germans are transporting a mountain of gold bars from France to Germany. Kelly learns the location of the convoy from the now-sozzled colonel, scoops up the briefcase, and runs from the barn just as it explodes under an American fusillade. After the platoon's deadhead captain sets them on leave at a secluded farmhouse ten miles from the nearest town, the men have finally had enough. They agree to go after the gold with Kelly. 

There's just one catch: it's behind enemy lines, inside a locked bank, in a German-held town, guarded by three Tiger tanks. But that doesn't stop these guys. The gold fever is full upon them. Millions of dollars in gold bullion is a far better payoff for risking their necks than the regulation $50 they earn each month. So they mount up and head out. Along the way, they acquire some unusual allies: Crapgame (Rickles), the tightfisted, financially-minded supply officer who finances the expedition; and Oddball (Sutherland), the philandering commander of an AWOL tank squad. He and his fez-wearing crew are hippies 20 years before it's cool. They laze in the sun, have dalliances with the local women, get drunk, listen to strange music, and shoot paint-filled shells out of their tank guns. But they're handy in a pinch. This unlikely team somehow manages to sally 30 miles behind enemy lines to the bank, and...

Well, I won't spoil it. Suffice it to say, Kelly's Heroes is a splendid movie. The plot is refreshingly unique: instead of the usual heroics and derring-do, we get an adventurous, often-comedic tale about a bunch of guys sating their greed. But mind you, the premise doesn't eclipse the plot. There's plenty of action in this film for war-movie nuts like me. There are shoot-outs, espionage, and fireballs galore. Indeed, the demolitions budget must've been astonishing: the film has more explosions per yard than even Patton could boast. The final sequence (the taking of the town) is one of the most brilliantly crafted battle plans I've ever seen, wonderfully shot and expertly choreographed. The characters are diverse and endless fun. Big Joe, played to the hilt by a masterful Telly Savalas, curmudgeonly as hell; Little Joe, the timid radio operator, always changing his story; Cowboy, the drawling Texan and half-track driver; Willard, his harmonica-playing sidekick; Oddball and his delightful laid-back flakiness ("Why you gotta be hittin' me with them negative waves so early in the morning?"); and many more.

Memorable characters, a one-of-a-kind plot (for a war movie, anyway), explosive action, and hilarious hijinks—culminating in a memorable showdown scene at the movie's climax—combine to make Kelly's Heroes a fun and worthwhile film for almost everyone. Those who enjoy a rousing tale about a motley crew of greedy buggers sticking it to the man should watch this film, by any and all means.

And don't be hittin' me with them negative waves.