boy, 5, dunks self in pond

XENIA, OH - An area boy nearly gave himself hypothermia following an accidental dip in a near-frozen pond in Shawnee Park. Andrew, 5, stated that he was running from his father during a friendly game of tag when, as he looked back over his shoulder, he suddenly found himself bobbing up and down in murky green water. Andrew's mother arrived on the scene to find her sopping son wrapped securely in his father's sweater, and Dad freezing his heinie off in the chilly autumn weather. I was originally going to steer clear of old personal anecdotes, partly because of my innate modesty, and partly because of my journalism training (all that stuff's "old news"). However, I have noticed these stories being employed to great effect elsewhere in the blogsphere. So I have amended my previous stance, as they say in Politicspeke, and am now going to start includin' 'em. I was born in Auburn, California. My folks moved around NoCal a bit before making the hop down to the Mojave Desert when I was 19 months old. That's where my brother Harlan was born. We moved east to Ohio shortly thereafter. One of the first places we lived in Ohio was this marvelous little town called Xenia. I wish I remembered more of it, but my memory does not serve me well. I basically remember only one thing from our time in Xenia, and that's the park. Magical sort of place, it was. Seemed to be all rolling hills, green fields, quiet streams, small ponds, stone bridges, and Canada geese. The geese were everywhere. They (literally) flocked to the place during their seasonal migrations. I can remember many lovely autumn afternoons spent watching these geese with my brother and my parents as we strolled through the park. One cold and sunny fall day in 1990, Dad took my brother and me to the park while Mom did the grocery shopping. She dropped us off and left us to our own devices. Soon enough, a game of tag broke out. Harlan and Dad and I were running all over the place, laughing, yelling, leaping about, and breathing the frigid air into our heaving lungs. This is what I remember. Dad had zeroed in on me, and I was doing my darnedest to outdistance him. At five years old, I didn't have much of a chance. I was looking back over my shoulder to determine how rapidly my lead was shrinking, when suddenly... I don't remember actually hitting the water. The last thing I remember is my foot coming down on empty air. The next memory I have is being submerged in one the park's numerous ponds, bobbing up and down on my back, staring at the concrete wall of the pond two feet beneath the surface. There was a metal pipe bolted to the wall; both were smeared with goose droppings. I don't remember being disgusted by this, even though I now knew why the ponds were always so green. I was in the water only a few seconds. Dad must've fished me out in a hurry. The next thing I remember is standing on a park bench as Dad wrapped his voluminous sweater around me. Again, I don't remember being cold. My memory is so poor that only the visual imagery remains. Dad, Harlan and I began to walk to the entrance to the park. Mom pulled up to see Dad, sweater-less and quite chilled, and her eldest son waddling along behind him, wrapped from chin to toes in a huge wool sweater. I must've looked like a tiny priest in a misshapen, oversize cassock. I don't remember anything after that. I didn't get hypothermia; Dad's sweater was huge (and pre-warmed) and thankfully there was no wind. My body temperature was likely already elevated by the spirited game of tag we'd been engaged upon, too. But Dad probably caught hell from Mom anyway, bless her. I know I took a lot of good-natured ragging from Dad and Harlan in the years that followed. Fancy being silly enough to accidentally run into a pond! I'm writing about this for a reason. While we're on the subject of false impressions, it might seem to some of you that I'm a competent person. I lived alone in Korea for a year, I'm learning to fly, I graduated college in 3.5 years (despite switching majors twice), and I've never fallen for any kind of scam or fraud. But nonetheless, these are the kinds of things that happen to me. Unintentionally dunking myself in ponds, I mean. On Saturday I misread the schedule and wound up at bartender's school on the wrong day for the wrong class. After an hour-and-a-half commute, too. I fired an arrow into the wall of my bedroom when I was thirteen, because, for some reason, I'd put it onto the string and was drawing the bow. In the house. Reminds me of a song.

In the days of my youth I was told what it means to be a man Now I've reached that age I've tried to do all those things the best I can No matter how I try I find my way to the same old jam — Led Zeppelin